I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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