so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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