i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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