I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So apparently I’m into choking now
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