i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
