i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
