just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
