i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
