The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
