My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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