You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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