super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
