This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
