i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
