I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
