I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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