i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
