don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
