I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
