I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
