Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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