Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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