God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
