I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
