I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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