Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
