Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
