I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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