dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
