1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize