the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
