I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
