I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize