I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
His nipple licking is glorious
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