i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
