Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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