I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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