South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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