you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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