We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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