i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
