When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
