based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
