Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
