just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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