so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Couch. On fire.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
