I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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