so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
