Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's shark week go big or go home
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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