in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
