lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When are your genitals available?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
