We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
