I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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