Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
