I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
