I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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