I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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