Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
