my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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