I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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