He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My liver just had a heart attack.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
