did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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