I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
wow bdsm is so cute
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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