I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
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Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
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Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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