i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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