Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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