There was a lot of him and a little penis
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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