Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
