All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
