could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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