ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't want my vagina anymore.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize