is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is Oprah even human
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
