i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
