taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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