it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
