When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
