as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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