I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
