i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
