Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
