We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
