Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
