i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
